What is "RANTS"? It's basically a Blog that isn't a blog because we don't like blogs. But sometimes... we just need to vent our thoughts to the free world so this is our outlet. You don't have to agree with anything on there... that's fine. It's just our opinions and are not necessarily condoned by each other or anybody we are associated with. However, generally speaking they are right since we have good sources.
If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet.
But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?
Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.
Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.
The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and ticked off aliens crash on top of them.
And now a few words on solving the problem of creating a ship using the aforementioned anti-gravity device.
One could power a ship by means of cats held in suspended animation (say, about -190 degrees Celsius) with buttered bread strapped to their backs, thus avoiding the possibility of collisions due to tempermental felines. More importantly, how do you steer, once the cats are all held in stasis?
Here is my rant for the week. A friend of mine on Facebook recently posted a link to a cause to help a family in need. This large family had just recently gone through a total loss of their home to fire. The Facebook post-er was asking for help in getting donations to help this family out. What a sad story - seriosuly - I truly hope that this family gets taken care of.
While I believe this is a great cause, the real shame is that the person who posted the message was unable to just take care of the family themselves. It is my believe that God intends us to be extremely prosperous financially so that when things like this happen, we have the capacity to deal with the problem. Here's the real kicker: about six months ago, this person turned down an opportunity to make some extra money, stating "We're really doing okay - why would I need any extra money."
To the facebook post-er: "Well, chap - if you had an extra income, the next time you run across a serious need in the community, you wouldn't have to go begging to everyone else for their money, you can just take care of the problem yourself."
I'm getting really tired of "Christians" telling me that having a lot of money is bad, but when a need arises, THEN the money is okay (but only MY money which you ask ME for, mind you). Make up your stinkin' mind - is money good or bad? Or, maybe a better question is: Which one of us better understands God's Purpose for financial blessing?
Ok, so this is pretty much a blog thing... so that allows me to rant and whine on it every once and awhile. Because I need to
get this off so I can chill a bit. But I'm going to tell you about the WORST order in sales history EVER. (If you have a cooler
story please submit it to us at nate@jincd.net and we'll be sure to post it as a good funny story!
So my customer needed something quickly... we didn't have any in stock so I look to tween from another vendor. I quote it based off that price and then we win the deal for 12 of these "thingies". I'm like... GREAT! some money for little to no work. But they needed this very quickly! So I cut an order to our vendor and then after we all leave for the night he's like "Uh.. we don't actually have any". Ok... thanks for lying you dumb butt... now where am I going to find this "thingies"?!?!
So I find somebody else you has some... tell him I need at least one drop shipped because I PROMISED to have one to a customer site by that morning. However this brilliant ...human LOSES THEM and can't ship them out. Which I don't find out until a Sunday night when we ordered them on Friday. Ok, great... so what's next? Well... I find someone else who has 3 of them... they ship them to me overnight. IT WORKS! This is good they actually got shipped. But ... one doesn't arrive and is currently in a FedEx Vortex or something and the other one my receiving guys lost. (They JUST found it).
So... all in all... it worked out fine. For 3 days of work I'll end up making about $5 and I can afford a hot and ready pizza or something.
Looking forward to freedom...
Well... I haven't ranted in awhile and I'm just in the mood to do so. Today Joel is getting something fixed with his Muh-Niz-Kiss. Sounds kinda dirty... I know... but it's got something to do with his knee. Anyways, I woke up at 7:20 AM... Since I had to be to work by 8ish I was getting ready and noticed that my wife's clock said 8:15. I was really confused to a second, but then found out that my clock had slowed up by an hour. How that happens? NO CLUE... its not battery operated or anything its plugged right into the wall! ?!?! That was silly. Early retirement would solve this having to wake up before I just wake up by myself syndrome.
I also wanted to report that many yogurt companies have heard our pleas. Thank you for writing your congress representative about this. Now they don't have the lids that break and are tin foil stuff. New ones seem to have a more plastic top which makes things a whole lot easier. No more foil on the sides of my yogurt!!!!
The long awaited for yogurt contest has been decided. I have actually found out a great way to defeat this yogurt lid crisis as well. If you open the main tab with your mouth... it squirts in your mouth (which is the goal anyways) versus on you.
But here at JINCd, we aren't about logical... we are about silly! This concept was introduced actually by my lovely bride, Andrea.
Create a lid that is plastic...similar to the top of a tupperware..
Still have a seal with the tinfoil-like substance..
but.....dun dun dun...
Have a groove on the tupperware-like lid that you can take off, turn upside down..and use in a fashion similar to a can-opener. Indenting the tinfoil...thus breaking the seal...and creating a smooth-edged tear that won't be dangerous.
This technology was first developed in a green-friendly, organic, multipurpose cleaning supply...much well known to the creators of JINCd.net
I think this would overcome 3 obstacles formed by the poorly-engineered tops from the Yogurt Container Manufacturers (YCM)
1. It would lesson the causualties caused by Tinfoil Severing
2. It would dramatically decrease the Yogurt Spill (luckily for all the environmentalists out there...you thought oil spills were bad..)
3. It would allow for ease of assess and pleasure in partaking of Yogurt Everywhere.
Thus, Proposal 00145 for the Yogurt Lid Crisis is our only answer.
Subject: The Revenge of Lidia
The letter to the bank below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 80 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be; communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client,
Lydia B. Hodgson
This is the biggest "WHY THE HECK DIDNT I THINK OF THAT" ever... Spider Drawing Sells for $10,000.
Gag me... sheesh! The rants on this site are avaliable with an autographed copy for only $9,000 + shipping and handling.
This was something really funny Joel found. JINCd approves of these negotiating tactics. 
Well, today is election day. You know my thoughts on that situation. Great webpage explaining my thoughts almost perfectly is http://NeverFindOut.org. But I'm not really here to talk about that today.
The election will come and the election will go and America will have to live with her decision. I pray its a good one.Here is a thought I was having today though. Yogurt lids... who invented this things. They are awful. I have found that I only have 2 options with opening them.
1) Open it up and generally have a minor yogurt explosion all over the place...
2) Poke a whole in the top and get the bottom of my spoon covered in yogurt and then when you like the lid off... its like sharp aluminum foil cutting you.
Which is better? Well... that is for you to vote on!
Thank you and God bless America ... but also America bless God! Go vote!
This will be a new serious of rants that are more just like posting of funny emails I have received. You'll notice on top the title because every one of these that I get usually have at least 3 "FWD:" in front of it. Often times suggesting that I will meet the perfect girl (or guy) for my life if I send it to 20 people. Well... I've never done that and I'm extremely happily married (to a GIRL) so that is false. Anyways, enjoy this! Read the cake first and at the bottom the reasoning will make sense.
Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:
Walmart Employee: "Hello 'dis Walmarts, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."
Walmart Employee: "Whatchu want on the cake?"
Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne." And underneath that "We will miss you".
Wow... just another reason why there shouldn't be a minimum wage! :)
Well... as you can tell I have never been and never will be politically (or grammatically) correct. I also had to use spell checker for both those big words. But this RANT will be neither of those things. It does contain truth though. If you don't agree - that's fine we live in a free country where people have died for you to have your beliefs.
Here is the deal though... We have an election coming up REALLY soon. There are two candidates running (and sadly neither is Chuck Norris...) and so many people today are voting based on not understanding the people they are voting for... but understanding what the media says and what they script writers say. I'm voting for McCain because he is a republican or I'm voting for Obama cuz he's black or I'm voting for Obama cuz McCain is old or I saw this YouTube video about Obama being a Muslim terrorist so I can't vote for him or WE NEED CHANGE SO I'M VOTING FOR OBAMA. No joke we need change... just because the fairy tale "boy" cried "WOLF!" doesn't mean there is substance backing up his claim.
What we need people to do for this election is involves "change" but its called THINKING for a change. Finding out what these people are about, what they have done (to know if their claims for the future will be legit), and where they really stand on the issues. Don't vote for what is popular or the person who has the hottest speech... this is our country and future generations we are talking about here.
Here are some voting resources to check and and find out what these people stand for.
- Wall Builders Resources for Voting
- Wall Builders Short Guide
- What do you agree on with Obama?
- ABC's voters guide. Compare quotes to what you agree with.
- B Obama voting records
- J McCain voting records
Now, I'm not super brilliant economist or politician... but as a concerned citizen this is some common sense that I do know:
- Our economy right now... not good. An economy is based on people buying stuff which allows other people to get paid. If I purchase a car people benefit (myself, the manufacture, the salesman, the dealership, even the government through the taxes I pay). If you raise taxes... you have less money to spend and thus you buy less stuff. This in turn makes the economy worse. Not rocket science...
- If you tax business more instead of citizen's ... the business owners are going to charge more for their goods/services. So you will probably end up paying more anyways.
- "Global Warming" has no solid foundation for being true. And the winters only seem to be getting colder.
- We need to drill for oil here ... I'm sick of being dependent on terrorist countries. The countries that do drill for oil are not destroying the world they are creating wealth.
- Killing unborn babies... its not OK. Why should you be able to play the role of God? If you can walk on water and speak a universe into existence then go ahead.
- If you can't run a country on 30%+ of the nation's income and on top of that taxes on everything things else we own or buy. You are stupid ... you need to be responsible with my money if you are going to run this country.
- The president should be patriotic and love this country. To have its well being at heart. If your association involves self-proclaimed terrorists, a "pastor" who believes in racism and the superiority of a specific race (kinda like Hitler) and is cited and still agrees with the statement "God Damn America", and other shadey folks. Not only should you not be allowed to run for the leader of the country... you should be convicted for treason. (dang, that's harsh... but think about it)
- Finally, this nation was built on "In God We Trust"... that's what we need is GOD. We can't keep saying "God Bless America" if America doesn't bless God.
Just know this... you are responsible for who you vote for (and also for lack there of). If they jump taxes... that's your doing. If they kill babies... you will have to give an account for that too because you voted for that to be allowed. Please use your God-given brain and vote who God would vote for not that one who our enemies pray to their "god" will be our next commander in chief.
Welcome to another Rant brought to you by JINCd.net.
Please visit our store section and buy the $400 throw pillow... that'd be awesome! Why not buy 100 or so for your friends and relatives? They all would think you are the man and you would be spreading the word of JINCd.net as well!
Ok, here is what my rant is about today... this STUPID sign:
What is that all about?! First of all - I don't care if you are for the war or against it... you don't support somebody by telling them to stop something. If I am telling you to quit college is that supportive of you going to college? NO! If I am telling you to quit pursuing a dream of yours is that supportive of your dream? NO! If you buy a new fish and I dump motor oil in its tank am I supportive of you having a fish? NO! How can you be supportive of someone or something by doing the opposite of what they stand for?
If you against the war, just admit the fact that you are NOT supportive of our troops. You are only supportive of your own personal agenda and feelings - NOT the safety of the country or the people who fight for it. If that is the case - that's great... the troops are fighting for your freedom to be ignorant and live in your little bubble. Just quit putting signs up in your yard saying you care about people but not what they fight for.
OOOOOOH MAN! We just had a meeting at work that they fed us pizza (why we both went) and then talked to us about how insurance works and "HOW TO SAVE ON GAS". Here are just a few of the brilliant ideas they had:
1. Take out the golf clubs from your car - what real good is that going to help me? Maybe I should cut off a limb and chuck the spare tire out while I'm at it. Or maybe that's stupid...
2. When its freezing cold outside... don't start your car and leave it running. That makes sense... Maybe with the quarter I saved I will move to a warmer climate.
3. Don't speed up fast or stop fast. THEN WHY DRIVE?! 'nuff said
4. Don't go over 70 MPH or it costs you more money. Mmmhmm... My time is worth more being than a tiny bit of gas money. Granted I always go the speedlimit(ish) though.
5. Buy a more fuel efficient car... GREAT! I'll spend $20K to save $750/year (the figure they gave us) and get a smaller car!! Lose-Lose. In just under 27 years you will have broke even. WHAT A GREAT IDEA, SHERLOCK!
Here are MY ideas for saving money on gas:
1. Drill for it and stop sending money to the terrorists for our oil.
2. Stop thinking corn fuel is a good thing. It gets you less gas mileage, it takes about the equivalent of a normal gallon of gas to make a corn version, and the only reason its cheaper is because the government doesn't charge a 51 cent/gallon tax on it like the other.
3. Leads me into another great point. STOP TAXING ME SO MUCH!!! Mr. Government - its called a budget. Don't take my money and give me a "stimulus" back just to try to get this country MORE focused on handouts.
4. If you want biofuel - look into what sugarcane fuel is doing for Brazil. The efficiency ratio of that vs. corn is remarkable. And it will still allow me to eat corn on the cob for a reasonable price.
5. Just make more stinking money. We live in America - the land of opportunity. If you don't like what gas costs - quit your whining and out earn the problem.
Again - these are all my opinions and you don't have to agree with them. But apparently you care enough about what I think (which is right) to read my rants/blog thing. :)
I just thought this was hilarious ... the sign says something to the effect of feeding the birds can make them aggressive. ENJOY!
I just thought this was funny and the world needed to be aware of important things that we can learn from Nintendo...
1. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
2. Operating any vehicle or weapon is simple and requires no training.
3. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker than they are to do their dirty work.
4. If you find food lying on the ground, eat it.
5. You can smash things and get away with it. (smashing things doesn't hurt and many nice things are hidden inside other things)
6. When someone dies, they disappear!
7. Money is frequently found lying in the streets.
8. All shopkeepers carry high tech weaponry.
9. You never run out of bullets, only grenades.
10. Ninjas are common and fight in public frequently.
11. Whenever huge, evil fat men are about to die, they start flashing.
12. When you are born, you are invulnerable for a brief period of time.
13. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in predictable patterns which makes it easier to shoot them all down.
14. The enemy always leaves weapons and ammo lying around for no apparent reason other than to allow their enemies to pick it up and defeat them with it.
15. You sustain injury if you hurt innocents.
16. Gang members frequently all look the same and often have the same names.
17. When driving, don't worry if your vehicle crashes or explodes. A new one will appear in its place.
I hope your life now is more enriched with these important principles.
Dentist Visit: Yeah, so I went to the dentist today... I really don't like going there it is one of my least favorite places in the known universe (I'd even take a cubical over it... I KNOW). I just don't understand how people work there. Can you imagine just having people come in you've never met before and just scraping at their teeth. Nasty food from 3 months ago still stuck in their teeth... fugus growing everywhere... and here you are with your 2 year degree ready to go make these Neanderthals into someone who can smile without scaring people. It must take a special person to do that kind of work, because I would go nuts after about 2 minutes. And that scraping noise!! YIKES! So, if you are a dental assistant or hygienist... I give you Kudos for doing what you do.
But there is a new power sprayer deal they have to clean your teeth out with at my dentist. Its pretty sweet... AND I pretty much got another shower while I was at it. But with a clean bill of health and a sticky creature I stole from the kids toys bin... I left a pretty happy man!